Do personal partners who act, react, and interact through the same M.O.* miss out on the synergy of conative differences?
Do conative look alikes compete or try to one-up each other (“My facts are more thorough than your facts,” or “You couldn’t possibly improve on the way I’ve organized the pots and pans.”)?
Do Same M.O. Marriages become so same-o’, same-o’ that their twosomeness excludes others?
Yes – for all of the above questions.
Yet, Same M.O. Marriages not only survive – they thrive.
That’s because personal relationships are about more than conative M.O.s.
Effect of Affect
Toss in different interests, and two people insistent in Fact Finder can bring tons of different kinds of information into the equation.
Watch how an introvert gets an extrovert to dial it down. Or the extrovert opens up their social life.
Both may take risks, but if one person in a Same M.O. Marriage has an emotional need for financial security, even with a pair of insist Quick starts, it will put the brakes on their betting the ranch.
Another effect of affect happens when partners do not have shared values. If only one wants a family, or to protect the environment, or march for a particular cause, it becomes a far bigger reason for marital problems than either a similarity or difference in M.O.s.
Cognitive Impact
It was totally weird for me to have my college boyfriends take my Dad’s Wonderlic Personnel test, but it certainly was fascinating to be able to confirm their cognitive abilities. It’s weirder for girls to play dumb in order to get a guy.
I would be willing to bet that couples similarly matched by IQ is predictive of marital sustainability. If both people have the same M.O. to gather specific details, but one’s information is full of errors… it just doesn’t add up to a positive picture for the long-run.
Having different skills, training, and types of education can enhance any relationship, especially one when partner has to do the problem-solving involved in building a nest and raising kids. Sans kids, it still works for vacation planning.
Dynamynd® Levels of Effort
No matter how snuggly matched or unmatched a marriage is by M.O., the greater menace is unmatched levels of effort.
No matter how conforming or non-conforming a couple is by M.O., the greatest savior under stress is a matched level of effort.
I coined the word Dynamynd when it became clear to me that how we deal with our mental assets is not just about the three parts of the mind, but how we leverage them through our levels of effort. If only one partner does all the heavy lifting in a relationship — whether by simplifying the issues, stabilizing the finances, or arranging all the plans – it just won’t work in the long haul.
Relationship apps?
Countless business partnership offers have been made to me, based on my agreeing to use my work for matching people as marriage partners.
Sure, I’ll do it, when we can figure out how to factor in all of the other considerations.
* M.O. refers to an individual’s Modus Operandi and consists of a numerical representation of one’s instinctive way of taking action as measured across the four Kolbe Action Modes®.
